I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
