so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think my moral compass just broke
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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