And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
