i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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