ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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