Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
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you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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