Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
