Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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