I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
