so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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