I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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