For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
