Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
