You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
