my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
