If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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