cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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