if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
