you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
