I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
