she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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