we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
