i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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