doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
