Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
