I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
