I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
