If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize