Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
