and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
