STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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