She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
