The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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