dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
this just has baby written all over it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
