sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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