We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
