Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I need a beard to bite.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
