she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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