People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
