dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
