I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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