oh god the rape fog is back!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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