dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
