Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
