ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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