i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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