LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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