I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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