We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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