would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
