I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
