suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
