Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
