you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
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He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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