I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
