We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
