you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
