I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
