dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
