good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
