You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
