I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
