This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Semen is not good for contacts.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
