it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
