She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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