my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
