it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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