My sheets look like a crime scene.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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