I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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